Sofia went in and out through different phases. Back home she grew up with an active lifestyle that gave her a more energized outlook on life and healthy habits. And come to think of it, socially it also gave her the opportunity to meet people with similar interests.
‘If I wasn’t into dance or soccer I wouldn’t have been able to join social clubs and make friends now that I’m living abroad. All my life in one way or another I found the time to be on my own and write. I find it interesting to look back on my writing. I find it fascinating how time goes by and I can read back on my work as if it was a different person speaking to me. I then ask myself, wow, did I write that? I think about my own parents and what wonderful grandparents they now are, and even greater parents they are to me. I absolutely love them and all the attributes they have. As a child my father told me stories and showed me that there are many ways of communicating. A contrast to the traditional more academic way I was shown at school.’
‘But isn’t school important?’ he asked, almost expecting a twist in her reply.
‘My home life, our home life,’ she corrected herself, ‘was definitely a richer childhood than my experiences at school. I’ve lived a youthful life filled with energy by keeping in tune with the child in me. On the occasions I return to Darwin to visit people who comment on how I haven’t change. Is there a period in one’s life when he or she stays physically the same?’
‘You look younger than us and you’re gonna live longer,’ her brother Charlie said on the other side of the phone. You’re gonna live til a hundred and twenty four.’ ‘That’s sad. Everyone will be gone and I all alone,’ Sofia replied humorously with a chuckle, inserting the German grammar in her English.
Passersby
Because of your age you expect me to wait.
I ride past on my bike
and smile to myself
And you think it’s because of you.
At Home
Did you know that I listened to every song?
I carefully went through each and every song.
And thought about which one to sing.
You didn’t know because you didn’t ask.
At School
Afraid of the when, why
And the what to do
No one talks
Not a word is spoken
While ….
The familiar script
I once told you about
Is used
It is opened
Sofia’s Diary
It’s funny how we give ourselves permission to get angry at our parents. It’s often the ones we love that we hurt the most. It’s true that you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family. I have a hunger to write every day. This has grown with each day during my time away from home.
Writing brings me closer to my family, healing our relationship. We talk about small details we don’t normal speak about. I’m more in touch with myself. My memories of childhood are prompts to details that I look back on and smile. Living abroad led me to discovering more than I hoped for. My travels have taught me to appreciate the gifts my family holds.
‘Don’t blame the teachers in front of him,’ Sofia said. ‘It’s the system. They’ve come from an institution and that’s how they learned to do it.’
‘Jimmy is having problems at school. He is the lowest in his class and he got 2s and 3s out of a possible 10 in every subject. His teacher said he’s in a fantasy world,’ Charlie said.
‘Why is it that when a teacher doesn’t understand a child he must be in a fantasy world? Instead of getting to the root of the problem and helping the child? The child is now an alien and labeled as learning challenged. In education they tend to change terminology to make it sound kinder when it means the same thing. The way they deal with problems stay the same,’ Sofia stated with precision. Her family, the people she loved were the only ones she could be totally honest with about her views on education. There was much more at stake here and she had the tools to help.
‘We’ve taken away computer games.’
When Sofia was in Darwin 2 years ago she remembered how much time Jimmy spent playing on his console. He was unreachable and one couldn’t reason with him. Now he’s 8 and he’s worse.
‘There’s a website that the children use in class. It’s educational,’ Charlie desperately said. Sofia had a look at it. There are games on the web page and she saw a game called Battlestar Galactica.
‘That doesn’t look educational to me,’ Sofia said to Charlie and his wife who were on the other end of her Skype connection, eagerly waiting for Sofia’s every word.
‘We didn’t have computers and we turned out OK,’ Sofia’s concerned brother said. This was Sofia’s cue to started her usual monologue when she wanted to express her frustration.
‘We turned out great. This is the experimental generation of computers. The teachers of our children are like us. They didn’t grow up with computers and don’t know how to use them. His teacher uses the computer as a reward. Why is it a reward when it should be part of his learning? The teacher puts him on there just to get him out of her hair and shut him up. When he finishes his work he can go on it. That encourages him to quickly finish his work regardless of getting the answers right. He doesn’t care as long as he gets a turn at the computer. Do you have a computer without games on it? Just with a word program on it? Get him to type stuff up. Get him to read books on it in PDF. I remember how much he loved using my camera. I wish I could send him one. He could print up photos and make stories. Of course he doesn’t want to write. He’s thinking about when it’s going to be his turn on the games. It’s like thinking about chocolate when you’ve left it too late to cook anything and you’re starving.’
The spiel took a lot out of Sofia but she felt good. She rested a little to take a breather and wondered what went on in her brother and his wife’s mind. She almost forgot they were there.
One of her nieces wants to be a teacher, just like her auntie. ‘We don’t urge her,’ Charlie continued. We want her to be a lawyer because she is good at arguing.’
‘Of course she wants to be a teacher. That’s what she grows up with and knows.’ ‘Yeh, it’s like how boys want to be a fireman. You’re a great teacher,’ He said. ‘I don’t want to be a teacher.’ Sofia replied. ‘I feel now it’s too late for me. I feel like I’ve settled for the job.’ ‘Can’t you go back to uni and study to be something else?’ ‘Like what? And when am I going to have a family?’ A long thinking pause and admitted to a small kept secret. ‘You know, a dream that I had since I can remember was to be a writer.’
An awe of interest showed in Charlie’s face as he recalled his acting days in school. He had leading roles in every play that was performed with the most beautiful voice Sofia ever heard. She couldn’t bear to imagine her gentle, little poet and artist working long hours in the sun. Every soft petal exposed by the harshness was soothed by the unspoken feelings they shared. It was like inspiration and truth filled the air that caused a sudden stir in the conversation and spun Sofia’s thoughts.
‘I used to have a lot of patience and was able to listen and do what others told me to. Now I can’t. I can see something isn’t right and I don’t want to do it.’ Charlie told her of a story at his work. He’s a construction worker. I didn’t know I was going to end up a construction worker,’ He said. ‘Yeh, I thought maybe you’d end up a doctor.’ ‘I couldn’t be a doctor. I can’t stand blood.’
Sofia’s brother’s words rang like a familiar story she heard many times. Rationales about the kinds of jobs you would or wouldn’t do based not on your deepest wishes but those of the circumstances that create them. It’s like the rationale she had for herself for why and how she ended up in Frankfurt. ’I didn’t choose Frankfurt,’ I proudly said in reply to how I ended up in the city. ‘Frankfurt chose me’.
Charlie has a new job. ‘My boss wanted me to use a piece of equipment a certain way and I didn’t want to do it his way. ‘How do you know your way is right?’ ‘I can feel it. I don’t need the proof. It works. I’ve done it for the past 10 years. It’s like the scientist who is told that he isn’t allowed to believe in God. When he comes to a point when he discovers it’s true, he is ridiculed. Every job is the same and it has its issues.’
A revelation came upon Sofia. It’s not the job. She simply outgrew the stuff she was fed.
‘Mum once told me a story that has helped me in life,’ Charlie said. ‘Life is like a beautiful green paddock of green grass. In this green paddock there are lumps of poo everywhere you need to step over. If you step on it, it will get all over you and make a mess. Whenever I face a problem I say it’s a poo. If you pass the poo quicker you will solve the problem faster. The 3 monkeys also help me which is based on an ancient Japanese proverb. Each one covers something different. One covers his ears, one covers his eyes, and the other his mouth. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. After researching into it I found a fourth monkey with his arms crossed over his body. Do no evil.’
Sofia’s Diary
Every day for one hour I’m going to tutor Jimmy on Skype. I’m going to focus on fractions and argumentative genre because that’s what he is learning at school. I’m not necessarily going to teach him those things explicitly. I’m going to do a bit of coaching and focus on encouraging thinking skills. I’m going to ask him questions about his interests. And talk about the advantages and disadvantages of things like school uniforms and computers.
Computers are excellent learning tools but they are not teachers. The teacher comes from within which is what drives our independent thought. If we can’t use the computer responsibly we will not benefit from it. Just like every other learning tool.
‘Get him a lap top that he can take wherever he goes without games on it,’ Sofia said. ‘Tell him you have a surprise for him. Aunty’s going to tutor him from Germany on Skype.’
By Maria Grujicic
A chapter from my novel, Do It Like A Dance
This may sound more mystical than scientific, but I have long believed that there is extra-sensory communication. I believe that we communicate what we think, experience or feel even when no words or images are exchanged or when we are not in physical proximity to the message’s recipient. In that sense non-verbal communication is incredibly powerful and perhaps even frightening. Can we control extra-sensory communication in the same way we control other non-verbal forms? I don’t know.